Reflection on 2012

Well, the end of 2012 has come. It was a wonderful year as I reflect on the friends I made and the memories created. Yes, it was a hard year but, every one is at some point. I am so grateful for everything that has happened that has helped me grow into the person I am today. It's so hard to believe a year has flown by when it seems just yesterday I was awaiting this year to begin. Life truly does move so fast. Especially when you are having fun. Thanks to all who made this year one to not be soon forgotten. Happy 2013!

Christmas Time

Well, an uncle commented that I don't post a lot on my blog soooo I'm posting today about Christmas.

Before going in the oven: Tea Ring

Being home has been really nice and I've enjoyed the time spent with family. Christmas Eve was filled with getting ready for our annual party but, my little sister had a huge headache and a brother didn't feel so great either. This made for a slower getting ready but, it gave us a chance to serve one another. I used to get really bad migraines that would make me basically knock me out until I took some medication. Because of this, I could relate to my little sister and my heart went out to her in her time of need. It was a wonderful reminder of the true meaning of Christmas as we served each other. I also tried to make my first ever Swedish Tea Ring for my grandparents. It definitely did not turn out perfectly but, it was a great first try.

As the party began, it was fun to chat with people I hardly knew and become better acquainted with people I was not close with growing up. It is so nice to spend Christmas with others and reflect on the true meaning of it. It is great to see the spirit of Christmas reflect on each person's eyes. Of course, not every, moment was filled with giving. One person I was chatting with asked me to go get them some cheesecake. I decided it would be better for them to get their own and to be a stinker. Yes, not quite nice behavior but, it made for several laughs and jokes as the night progressed.

After most everyone had left, my siblings and I grabbed the trash can and cleaned up. Then, we changed into our Christmas p.j.s and gathered in my brother, Sean's room to sleep. Sadly, sleep did not come for awhile and, even then, not for long. This led to more opportunities for service as we tried to help one another fall asleep. That night also let me see the more spiritual side of my siblings. As we were talking about our struggles, someone suggested we say a prayer. It was a wonderful experience to kneel in a circle with my siblings and pray to our Lord and Savior on that holy night.

On Christmas day, many of us felt quite under the weather but, it was a relaxing day. It was a very different days due to the fact that we had the sister missionaries that are serving in our ward for church over to Skype/call home for Christmas. The three of them were each on a different device in a different room for four to five hours. This created quite the adjustment for us but, it was neat to see how happy the sisters were after calling home and talking with their families. Me, and a few of my siblings, spent the day sleeping/relaxing on the couch until extended family arrived and we chatted with them. At this point was when one of my uncles commented on how I do not post on my blog very much. It was a nice evening spent with family.

Today, I survived getting a TB test for my mission papers and received two letters from friends serving missions. It was really nice to hear from them since I was not expecting it. It's hard to believe most of "my boys" have been serving for almost six months already. And soon, I'll be able to join them in the mission field! For those who have not heard already I have decided to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints after this next semester. In order to prepare for this, I have been filling out all the paper work and having a physical to make sure my health is good enough for it. I am almost done and will be meeting with my bishop and stake president (religious leaders) upon returning to Utah and then, I will submit my paper work and receive my call about two weeks later. I am super excited for the lessons I will learn and the people I will be able to help find their Savior, Jesus Christ.

"God Bless us, Everyone"

Today, while out shopping with two of my siblings, we saw a lady with a sign asking for money to be able to pay rent so her children had a place to stay. My heart reached out for this woman and made me think how she, and her children, are children of God. It is so sad to see people struggling and know there are others that are struggling more. Yes, some people are faking it or might just use the money for drugs but, some are not. It takes a lot of humility, in my opinion, to walk a corner, showing your face and asking for help. Even if they are not actually who they are saying, the Lord asked us to care for our neighbors, our brothers and sisters. In this time of giving and the spirit of Christmas, I pray for those who are struggling to even have enough food for the season.

My dad took me to see A Christmas Carol downtown Thursday night and, after seeing this woman, I cannot help but think of the Cratchit family that wanted a Christmas tree and a large turkey but, had to settle for a little duck and a tiny little tree. It really is the simple things that make the season bright. I hope all can be a little kinder to one another and maybe a little more in tune to the needs of others through this Christmas, and other Holidays, season. Another thing that reminds me of A Christmas Carol is that the woman had, at the bottom of her sign, "God Bless." This is similar to the familiar phrase, "God bless us, everyone," said by Tiny Tim. To restate this, God bless everyone this Christmas season, and especially those in need.

Home for the Holidays and Thinking about Happiness

Well, it has been quite awhile since I have posted anything. Guess the last weeks of the semester made me a little lazy in this department. haha At this point, I am back home and, for the most part, I am loving it. Why not completely? I still have to do dishes.... Can't get out of them.... Bleh. haha Anyway, one of my missionary friends sent me a letter two days after I got back (I had told  him I would be home so he had the right address) and in it, he was discussing memories and how they can affect us. This made me think about how all semester long, I have had a lot of "dwelling in the past" moments. It has been hard to let last year go and try to move on. Yes, it has taught me a lot and it has kept me from dating RM's [Return Missionaries] but, it has also let to a lot of "pity/crying" parties. So, as I was reading this  letter and writing a response, I thought about happiness. All semester long I was thinking, "When I get away from BYU..." for this cry-sessions to end. But, that is not right.

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                                                       Happiness is a Choice

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You cannot expect someone else to make you feel happy about how your life is. You need to decide what you want to feel and then, seek it. Like when we had a lot of snow back in Utah, I could have been depressed but, instead, I decided to make it a game or feel like I was tap-dancing. I need to take that thought to the next level and apply it to my whole life, not just to a few days. It is still important to remember the past and laugh or cry but, I'm choosing to be happy and not do it as much. Through this holiday season, it is easy to get caught up in the presents and decorations and all the stressers but, it is more important to remember the reason for the season. No matter if you are Jewish or Christian or another religion or do not celebrate anything. For me, it is Christ's birth that I need to remember. And with that, His death and Resurrection and the Atonement. Because of Christmas, I have a Savior and a way to return to Heaven if I do my part and live worthy of the blessings it entails. Even if you are not Christian, Merry Christmas! [several days early :) ].

I am Grateful

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and, in honor of it, I was thinking of things I am grateful for. Yes, I know I cannot write them all down or even think of them all but, I wish to try to get as many down as I can:

My family: a mom & dad who love each other and care about each of their children so much. siblings who support and love me and do a great job at making my day. For extended family that helps me and makes me feel loved when I am far from home and does little things to support me.

My religion: giving me a sense of direction  in my life. giving me strength when I have none. Giving me a reason to get up each day.

My Savior: Giving me strength when I feel alone in the world. A best friend that understands everything when others do not. Giving me a chance to return to live with Him and my Heavenly Father again through the Atonement. A perfect example for me to follow.

Temples: I can live with my family forever. I can feel peace in the middle of this crazy world. I can serve others who I have never met.

My education: Lets me continue to learn and grow and shape myself into the person I want to be. I am able to meet new people and grow and learn from them.

Friends: A support system when I feel alone. Help me become a better person.

Technology: Let's me keep in touch with friends and family from far away. It lets me increase my knowledge and share my thoughts with the world.

Missionary Work: Grants blessings to others and teaches me to be a leader and a better teacher.

Food: Makes me happy and feel good.

Medication: lets me continue to function when I am ill and makes me feel better.
Hygiene: Let's me feel clean.

AC/Heating: Always able to feel "just right" temperature-wise.

Nature: Beauty that can only be found when you're looking for it. It creates beautiful pictures and peace to my soul.

Music: Gives me peace and comfort. It is a way to express myself.

Senses: I am able to hear beautiful music, see all of God's creations, smell flowers and fresh bread, feel a soft breeze, & taste delicious food.

Sleep: Letting me rejuvenate and feel refreshed after a long day.

I know there are more but, the last one has made me really excited to retire to bed so, I will end my list here.  There are so many more wonderful blessings I have been given but, it is time for rest. Good night & Happy Thanksgiving!

Resorting to Creeping to the Max

This is actually a funny story and I hope no one gets extremely creeped out by this. As a disclaimer: I did not think this would actually work and that I would find the person I was looking for. I promise.

So, as has been said multiple times on my blog, I have many guy friends, "my boys," that are serving two year missions across the globe for our church [the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints AKA Mormons]. And, due to how slow and not super reliable the mailing systems are, there are many who I have not heard from in quite awhile. One of these I have not heard from in months had become a very close friend right before he left and I really wanted to know how he was doing and if he was even alive. So, I just decided, for the fun of it, to type his mission and his name on google. REMINDER: I DID NOT THINK THIS WOULD ACTUALLY WORK!!! Well, after looking through many blogs from people that were serving in that area with no results I clicked on a random blog from a guy who had been in the same MTC as my friend. Well, I hit ctrl+F and put this Elder's name in the search bar and I found two results. I was in shock. It was my friend! And then, as I kept scrolling to see if there was anything else, I found two pictures of him and his companions/district. I was in shock and was honestly about to cry. I could not believe it. It was quite a miracle and an answer to prayer to know he was alive and well. Now, I'm just hoping I'll finally hear from him but, until then, if that point comes, it is nice to know he is doing well. It was also an interesting thing to see how crazy technology has become. A few years ago, this would not have been possible. What a world we live in today.

Perspective

So, I realized I had been being quite a downer and looking at all the things going wrong in my life. This was upsetting and was causing me to be a lame person. Well, yesterday, when I woke up not feeling happy, I decided to change it. I prayed for a change of heart so that I would be able to make the best of my Friday. It was hard since it was a dreary, rainy day and things just kept seeming to go wrong. Then, there was a slight switch. I ran into an old friend randomly on campus and my mood started to lighten. Then, the rain turned to snow so, I went home for lunch so I could grab my snow gear. This gave me an opportunity to have some hot cocoa and a warm lunch. Then, after choir, I walked home and, from the slush+boots, I felt like I was tap dancing in water (that's what it sounded like). All of a sudden, I was so happy and almost just laughed the whole way home. While others were complaining about the annoying white stuff, I was enjoying myself. This new perspective changed my view of the day which helped me find the other fun, simple blessings.

The Philharmonic Orchestra asked the women of my choir to join them in performing Mahler's Third Symphony. This long sit on stage for a short time to sing could have made me quite stressed and upset but, instead, with this new perspective, I was able to enjoy it. The day ended wonderfully just because I had a change of attitude and an answered prayer.

Then, today, I was walking to make banana bread at a friend's and it had snowed more and the sidewalks were covered in tree branches. Once again, I could have continued my dismal outlook on life but, I made it fun and felt like I was in a video game as I tried to dodge the falling snow and walk around fallen branches. This enjoyment let me continue my happy day from yesterday. To quote several people, including my dad:

~~~~Attitude Determine Altitude.~~~~

To some this would be depressing but,
I saw it as more excitement to my adventure.

It is important to keep a positive perspective on life so that you can make the most of what you have. It's important to enjoy the here and now and not just focus on the finish line. Of course, keep the end in mind and try to be your best but, don't dwell on it so much that you miss all the beauty and fun that you have around you. It's important to love life just as much as you learn from it.

Missing Those You Love

You know when you just really start missing someone that normally you're ok living without? That has been most of my time here at college but, this past week has just been on of those times where you start missing loved ones. First, a roommate's parents came to visit which was really neat and they were super sweet but, I started missing my mom and my daddy. Yes, I know they're safe and I'll see them in a few months but, just seeing them all smiling and laughing at old jokes made me miss the time spent with my family.

Then, some of my extended family came to visit and I loved seeing them. It was so much fun and I loved being able to talk and laugh with them. However, this also reminded me of home but, moreso, my siblings. I love each of them and it has been awhile since we've spent time together since I'm far from home. It was kind of funny reflecting on past events with my siblings and all our silly jokes and stories.

Lastly, I went with some friends from last year to Denny's just for old times sake. Of course, this brought back memories of last year and all the friends that are out serving missions across the world. Of course, I'm proud of them and wouldn't want them to be doing anything else but, it's hard not to miss all our jokes and wanting to tell them all about the adventures this year and just let them know I'm thinking about them or seek some advice but, can't. Especially with so much happening, it would be so nice to just have a late night talk with all of them like we used to but, right now, the only thing I can really do is pray to my Heavenly Father that they are well and that all will work out. When I am struggling and do not know what to do, I need to go to Him in prayer and scripture study to find the answers I seek.

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ward picture from last year that includes several friends.

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"And a Little Child Shall Lead Them"

I was truly humbled this week. I started getting a cold/scratchy throat and could not focus on my school work because of the congestion it was causing. Well, I sent a message to some family back at home asking them to pray for me so that I could focus and get my work done as well as feel better. They all responded with the affirmative but, later, my mom sent me a text saying that my littlest brother had prayed for me to be better the next day. I was completely touched. It is amazing to see the faith of a child. It is no wonder Christ said to become as a little child. Their faith is unwavering and they are so innocent. The next day I did feel a lot better and I attribute that to the prayers for my sake and especially that prayer. I don't think I've ever had such a quick recovery over a cold. Yes, my voice is still not what it typically is but, it is better than it was and I do not feel sick. The power of prayer is an amazing thing and I am so grateful that I have such a great example as my littlest brother.

I Hoped They'd Call Me on a Mission

Today is October 6th, 2012 and it is a major day in history. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and today was the 182 semi-annual General Conference and President Thomas S. Monson announced a change in the ages for missionary service. I had grown up knowing that young men could go on a mission at 19 and young women, if they chose, could go after turning 21. I had, over the years, gone back and forth with serving or not but, always came to the conclusion that I had several more years to think about it. Today, that all changed when it was announced that young men can go on a mission after High School graduation at age 18, and young women at age 19. I am almost 20 so, this obviously affects me. Now, like many other young women, I am at a point where I feel I need to really seriously consider my life. Do I go on a mission ASAP? Do I go later? Do I go at all? As I consider it I want to make sure I do what the Lord wants me to. Not all young women are meant to serve missions and I want to make sure I don't do something that is not meant for me. There are many benefits and reasons to go but, it is important for me to focus on the eternal perspective. One of these benefits would be coming home at the same time as all my boys. It would be so great to come home at the same time as them and be able to have a mission to talk with them about but, maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do. Well, it is time to go to the Lord and the temple and make sure I do what I am meant to do. No matter what the end result, I know I will be doing what the Lord wants me to and I will help others wherever I go and whatever I do.

Old Original Song

So, I was playing guitar tonight and remember I had some old songs I wrote FOREVER ago... I started playing one that I really have always loved and decided to record it just for fun. I know it's not very complex at all (I was just starting to play guitar when I wrote it...) but, it's kind of an insight into my mind back in early 2010 when I realized I didn't have this huge crush on this guy any more but, I had hope for the future. So, it's kind of a sad song but, there's hope to it to. SIDENOTE- all is well in my life so don't think this is referencing some part of it. haha

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The Lord is There

Well, today has been quite interesting. I woke up early to observe in the Kindergarten and then, did homework until devotional. Since I know people in Men's Chorus, I decided to stay on campus and actually go to Devotional rather than watch it in my apartment. Well, I got there and just picked a seat that would be easy to get out of at the end and sat was mentally thinking about everything I had to get done after the devotional and where I would go to do homework and blah, blah, blah.A few minutes later, devotional began. As President Samuelson started talking, I'm not proud to say this but, I was not really listening. I was still thinking and stressing (as I do best). Someone asked to sit next to me and started asking about my life and, once again, I wasn't really listening. Still thinking. Then, Men's Chorus stood up and sang "Come Thou Fount." Usually, (another not proud moment) I just sit there critiquing whoever is performing and noticing vowels and tonation and facials, etc. Well, not today. I felt peace and just listened to the melody and the beauty of the simplicity of the arrangement. It was so lovely and was truly what I needed to get ready for devotional and the rest of my day. It was wonderful. Then, the devotional was on Gratitude and my mind was ready for those words. I was reminded of phrases my dad would always say as I was growing up: "Attitude Determines Altitude" & "Decisions Determine Destiny." It is wonderful when you remember things that helped you in the past and can still help you now. It was so nice to have the spirit with me this morning and be able to focus on an Eternal Perspective rather than the mundain "what do I have to do today that is due tomorrow...?" thought process. It's so much better when we focus on what Christ would have us do than how we can survive our next midterm. It's a lighter load and an easier life. It is just the right thought process before General Conference this weekend.

I Love to See the Temple, I'm going There Someday

Today my roommates and I attended the Brigham City Temple Dedication. The last dedication I went to was Nauvoo years ago so it is hard to remember. As we sat in the Marriott, it was amazing to see so many college students sitting quietly as if they were in the temple. As the ceremony progressed, I felt such a profound love for the apostles and the temple. It is amazing how different the feeling between a temple and the world is. The sense of love and peace compared to the feelings of the world is drastically different.

As I contemplated this morning's events, the lyrics of a primary song came to mind:

I love to see the temple.

I'm going there some day

to feel the Holy Spirit, 

to listen and to pray

For the temple is a house of God,

a place of love and beauty.

I'll prepare myself while I am young;

this is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple

I'll go inside someday.

I'll covenant with my Father;

I'll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place

where we are sealed together.

As a child of God I've learn this truth:

A family is Forever.

I know that through the temples families can be together forever. I know I am sealed to my family for eternity and that if I live worthy of it, I can live with them forever after this life. I do not know what would have happened to me if not for this gospel. It helps me know what to do and how to live my life. I am so grateful to this gospel and for my Savior. I am so grateful for the blessings I have been given: for a wonderful family, for a chance to further my education, for music, for friends, for great roommates, for all the modern technology I enjoy, and so much more. I know that God lives and that He loves each and every person on this earth equally. The rain falls on everyone equally and the sun shines for everyone equally. He loves everyone and asks all to "Come Follow Him." I know I want to. He is "the light and the life" and makes my burdens light and I thank Him for that.

The Effect of Music

Well, this past weekend I was reminded why I love music. Life had started getting a little overwhelming and I did not know where to turn to because my usual "go to items" just were not helping. Then, I spent some time with a friend listening to a ton of great music and I finally felt at peace. It's amazing the impact music can have on the soul. Since then, I've spent a lot more time listening to/singing different songs and have found my life has been a lot better and I feel more in control of the craziness around me. When my day just seems to be too overwhelming, it is nice to be able to turn on my iPod and listen to different types of music from choral to religious to pop. In my music civilization class we talked about the reason for music in religious services and it made me realize how grateful I am for the impact music is in not only my secular life but, also my religious one. I love how I can listen to music that brings me closer to my Savior as well as make my day go better. It is an amazing world when education and religion can go together to create a complete human being. I know I would not be who I am today without music. Music is such a large part of who I am and it has given me experiences that have shaped my views of the world and who I am as a person. What a wonderful world we live in.

Adventures Begin

My fortune from dinner.
It was quite the laugh due to inside jokes.

Well, the first week of school was crazy and full of a lot of homework but, the weekend was filled with a lot of great bonding moments. After having so much homework, I was scared I would not be able to spend time with human beings again! [alright... slight exaggeration there....] Well, that changed starting Thursday Night. Since I did not invest into a pass to the sports games, I thought I'd be home alone doing homework. Well, turns out, another roommate also did not make this investment and another simply did not want to go because of the late hour. This turned into pancakes&movie night. It was so much fun to laugh and get to know my roommates a little better. Since we all went for random, we were all nervous to move in. It has turned out to be such a blessing, however. We had a "Hen's Night Out" as it turned out being called, where we had dinner, went shopping at super cheap stores trying to find stuff for our apt, got dessert, and watched a movie. It was such a blast! We met random people that gave us some great quotes (such as the title of our evening) and had fun making one roommate try on a total 80's wedding dress. So much fun! After thinking back to how nervous I had been about moving in, it was such a relief to feel such a close bond with these beautiful daughters of God. We are all very different but, all share a love of Christ and of doing some pretty crazy, random things. It is wonderful.

Along with this bonding, I met up with some friends from my freshman year and did random stuff from going to a grocery store for potato chips to going to a park to crashing someone's apt and watching them break into said apt. It was great! Yes, freshman year is over but, the friendships acquired will last forever. We can still do crazy things but, we are all growing up which is important. Reflecting on our past was great but, it was also really neat to see how much we have all grown up within one year. We went from being crazy freshman to crazy sophomores.

~Life is one crazy adventure.~

Moved In & Ready to Begin

Well, I am back at college and so much as happened! I got all moved in and got rid of all the extra stuff I was just holding on to as my security blanket. It felt great to get rid of stuff I don't use or even care about anymore. I was surprised when I moved in how small my bedroom is. I mean, yes, it's a good size for a college kid but, I just have to be super organized so I don't take over the room. hehe Also, I used to have to "jump into bed" when I lived in the dorms but, now, I literally have to JUMP to get into bed. It comes up above my stomach! I have not had a bed this tall/taller since I was a kid! I mean.... I still am a kid.... I'm referring to when I was not a teenager.... there. So, as I was saying, I got all moved in and I was a little shocked to find what I did. After moving in, I began being a Y-group leader for NSO. Seriously- I was not super excited at first because I was nervous. How could I help freshman feel welcome to college when I was still finding out stuff for myself? Well, it worked out. I have loved seeing my group. They are all so fun and neat people. I have been blessed by getting to know them. Who knew you could find so much joy and peace in befriending Freshman? I think this has made the start of my sophomore year the best it could be. Sure, I'm not meeting people I live near as well yet but, I have the whole school year to do that. Working with the freshman reminds me of my freshman year and all the great people I met and the wonderful learning experiences I had. College is a great time of learning and growth. It is amazing how much you find yourself when you leave home. Well, with the last night of NSO is tonight and then, the school year will begin. I cannot wait. Let's see what the year holds in store for me!

Time Spent with Mommy

Well, I'm down to two days until my flight back to Utah. So, what do I do? Aside from sitting around a lot, I've been watching the Anne of Green Gables movies with my mommy. [Yes, I still call my parents Mommy&Daddy] Well, after watching several hours of them, my mom and I started to think why we were just now doing this and why we didn't do this all summer. The answer? We were just too busy and didn't think of it. It has been amusing for me to see just how much I am like my mother. I had wondered where some of my attributes came from (such as my stubbornness :P ) and, I am now seeing it is from my mom. It's funny how for years I would look at other mother/daughter relationships and I didn't understand how their mom was their best friend. Now, I understand and I have found I love my mom more than ever. Same goes for my dad. It's funny how much you can learn and finally see in a summer when you're older. Parents do things because they love you and want you to have the best. They're there when you need them and I wouldn't change anything about them.

Reflections on My Summer

Well, this summer has been filled to the brim with learning opportunities. Looking back, I realized I did a lot of babysitting and other "sitting" jobs. I also had a lot of personal reflection time and personal growth. I've realized, even though I did not get an official "job." I had the best job ever. I got the best of both worlds, so to speak, as being a babysitter. Let me explain:

As a babysitter, I got to have the learning and practicing all in the same environment. Some of the things I've learned have been: unless they're not ticklish, kids have the same tickle spots( and there are several of them), not all kids in a family like the same things (I knew this  but, it was a nice refresher), I learned tricks to get kids to be more well behaved about getting things done and how to prepare them for things they don't like to do. Just like adults, kids don't quite like surprises. I learned some really neat toys and activities exist such as colored dots instead of number coloring pages. I learned a lot more but, I'll stop there. It was a great blessing to learn more about being a parent and having plenty of practice to try and "prefect" those techniques.

Another awesome part about my job? I got to go into some beautiful houses and see how they decorate to get ideas for my own future home some day. Who doesn't like seeing new ideas for arranging your furniture or how you set up little things such as instruments??? At one house, they had their instruments able to hang up nicely so they looked more like pictures of antiques but, they really play them! No bulky cases lying around in the front room!

Lastly, the kids. I love kids and I have met some of the sweetest, cutest, craziest, laziest, hyperist, everything else "ist" this summer. It has been such a blessing to learn what works with what type of child. Some are content to play puzzles for hours while others need stuff to do every other five minutes.

What a summer. It has been hectic and I've had to learn a lot but, looking back, it could not have been better. As I drove to Institute tonight (evening adult church class once a week), I looked toward the horizon and saw the start of a sunset. It had been close to rain all day and I'd had a bit of a hectic day but, this was such a "light" to my day. I felt peace&love and thought of how the Lord works through small things and the beauty of life and the Lord's temples. It was a great experience and it helped me put myself in the right mood for a class full of inspiring messages.

Getting Ready to Return

This was me at school before I came home... this isn't everything... 

Well, the countdown for Utah is 16 days. I'm trying to get everything in order before I fly back to the land of no humidity and more Mormons [Latter-Day Saints] then you could imagine. Today I found out my new roommates for this next year. After getting to chat via facebook, I must say, I am even more excited to return to school. The only thing I'm nervous about is moving. Sadly, I've accumulated a lot of stuff in my life and, being a bit of a pack rat, I like to keep it with me but, a dorm does not fit all of it. I am now trying to mentally go through everything I own between here and Utah and figure out what I can throw away/donate and what I cannot live without. Some things I know I'll need to keep to cook/eat and keep good hygiene but, trying to remember all my clothes right now is proving to be difficult since I'm used to only wearing what I have with me plus some of my sibling's clothes. Sometimes it is hard being a girl and trying to look cute and feel good about yourself when it seems you have too much but, if you get rid of anything you feel you'll have nothing. Well, it is time to start changing my mind set and getting ready to go on an adventure of going through all the boxes/bags/baskets/crates/etc in 16+ days. This will be tough (especially when I thought I'd have an apartment to myself for a few days to do it)  but, it is possible and I can do it. Who knew growing up could be so tough? haha Well, I am exhausted and should get some shut eye before another day of babysitting and another day of adventure begins. Good night World. Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite & sweet dreams.

Reflection on Camp's Past

Well, it has come time for Girl's Camp so, I have been watching my sister and mom prepare of it as well as many of my friends. Each camp has been hard to watch people leave for it and then, see all the pictures uploaded onto facebook. I know the camps are amazing and I'm happy they're going but, when that was the highlight and the main point of my summer, it is hard to not go. Each camp has such an uplifting spirit and helps you get your life in focus and helps me make life decisions become habits rather than making them later in life. I began going to Girl's Camp when I was 12 and EFY/Youth Conference when I was 14. That is a lot of summers that have been dedicated to learning more about my Savior and trying to better myself.

Girl's Camp my 4th year. We learned about splints

My second year of EFY. I was playing "model" with my cousins

My second year of Youth Conference, we had an obsession with The Princess Bride

My 3rd youth conference we helped out at Special Olympics

My 5th year of Girl's Camp: Acting just like my mommy taught me. hehe

This is my 3rd year of EFY. I am usually tall but, between a good friend and my brother.... I'm short. 

My 4th Youth Conference. Me and some of my friends

My 6th year of Girl's Camp I dressed the last day as my shirt suggests: WILD!

My Fourth year of EFY. My best friend and I did a few "heart/hand" pictures

My last year of Youth Conference we went to Nauvoo, IL. This is the temple there and a statue of the prophet Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum. This is my favorite temple. 

My final year of Girl's Camp we had themes each day. One day was nerd day. Everyone died when I came down to flag dressed like this.

My fifth, and final year of EFY. Me and the boys. Loved these guys.

Each year brought new adventures and new stories and memories. It is nice to reflect on how much I have grown because of them. I would not be who I am today without them. Each person I encountered has touched my life and made me a better person and someone who is closer to my Savior. Even though I am done attending these wonderful places, I can keep making memories and stand in awe at how much I have grown in the past years because of each of these and more. Thanks to anyone who was a part of these camps. They are a large part of who I am. 

Family Love Song

So- during the family reunion, we were driving home and the "Elephant Love Medley," from a musical, came on so, a few of us started going crazy and had it recorded on my camera. This shows basically what me and my siblings do best when we're together...Show off our "talent!" haha Enjoy!

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More Good-byes & Family Fun

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Last week I said good-bye to two more of my close boys and I realized it is harder to say good-bye the more you give. I would have thought it would be the opposite. But, after the good-byes, I was fine the rest of the week.

We had a family reunion to celebrate my grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary. It was stressful but, it was great to spend time with family and be able to laugh and dance and sing all weekend. I also got to learn more about my grandparents. I learned more about their lives that I had never heard about. It was wonderful.

Growing Up

You know that moment when you feel everyone else has grown up around you or when you feel you are the only one that has grown up? That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. One moment I feel so much older than others around me and then next I feel much younger. Being a 19 year old girl is a very rough place to be. You're an adult but, not. Your guys friends are heading on missions and you're just planning what your next school year will be. You want to hold onto the past but, the past has moved on and the future is just out of reach. As rough as it is, though, it is a wonderful time to learn and grow. Meet new people and try something new. Tonight I stayed for part of the after Institute [adult class offered once a week for a religion class]. I met new people and tried to not be anti-social. It was rough because I've been holding onto my freshman year for so long but, my freshman year has moved on. A lot of the time, I feel I'm the only one still dwelling on those days but, it is because I am not taking full advantage of the time I have now. Yes, those memories are very important but, there is a time when you much leave the past in the past and move forward to progress and grow and change and learn. If you don't move forward in life you're moving backwards.

Part of Your World --> A Sister Now

So- on facebook I wrote a status earlier saying, "was playing 'Part of Your World' on piano. Now I'm in a music altering mood...think I might go do some lyric changes for fun :P "I did it. I made a parody of "Part of Your World" and named it "A Sister Now. It is about a girl that has been watching a lot of her guy friends head out on missions and wishes to join them, rather than sit around waiting until she is 21. As some of my fellow girls from BYU know, this is kinda the story of our lives. No joke. Well, I hope you enjoy this. Sorry if the quality is kinda off and if it is hard to understand. I've included the lyrics to help with this. Enjoy!

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A Sister Now

Look at this stuff.

Isn’t it neat?

Wouldn’t you think this collections complete?

Wouldn’t you think I’m a girl, a girl to start serving?

Look at this list.

Places galore.

Who knows how many wonders I have in store?

Looking at me here you’d think, “Sure, she’s got ev’rything.”

I’ve got Scriptures and pamphlets a-plenty.

I’ve got friends serving all over the world.

You want letters written? I’ve written 50.

But who cares? No big deal, I want more.

I want to be where the elders are.

I wanna see, wanna see in-ves-tigators,

Listening in on those.... whatd'ya call em? Oh... lessons!

Flippin' your pages, don't get you far.

Calls are required to start your mission.

Heading on a Wednesday to... what's that place again? M.T.C!

Out where they tract,

Out where they learn, 

Out where they stay all day in the world-

Not on T.V.

Wish I could be a sis-ter now.

What would I give if I could go out on a mission?

What would I pay to spend eigh-teen months far away?

Betcha out there

they really care

Bet they don't think of you as a freshman.

Bright young women

Sick of sittin', waiting for mi-ssion-aries!

And I'm ready to know what the elders know.

Asking them questions and learning the answers.

What's the difference be-tween nine-teen and twenty-     one?

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world far away-

Out of train-ing.

Wish I could be

A sis-ter now.

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On another note- a friend of mine just logged off of the facebook/texting/virtual world to serve a two year mission in Idaho. Now, I had promised myself I would not cry when my boys left but, of course, he had to mention the first time we met and how much our friendship had meant to him. I almost broke down while reading it but, I kept telling myself I was NOT going to cry over these boys. As soon as he logged off and I re-read his message (BIG mistake) I lost it. I know these boys will be blessed for their service. They are all amazing young men whom the Lord will be  very proud of them as they serve faithfully. I know I am. Even though it is hard to say good-bye it's more of a see ya later and it will be a great two years as they serve the Lord. I can't wait to see them all again and give them each a great big hug and hear all about their amazing experiences. Missionaries are blessed and those they leave behind are also blessed because of their service. So- it's not a good-bye, even though it feels like it, it's a see ya later alligator or, for this Elder a TTFN-ta ta for now. Good Luck Elder Mann. You will be a great missionary. 

Love is Real

So, this summer, I have been listening to a christian radio station a lot since it's uplifting to listen to and there's not a bunch of nastiness playing on it. I've really felt uplifted since listening to it. It's kind of like my religion class of the day or my little bit of church camps, since I don't get the chance to go to any this year.

Anyway, sometimes they have these religion discussions between songs and the other day they had one where they asked people to think of one word to describe God's love. They started naming some such as grace, mercy, infinite, etc. Then, they said one that really caught my attention: REAL. God's love is REAL. It is such a beautiful thing and it is always there for us. Tonight in Institute [a church class offered once a week for college aged and above adults in the church], we discussed the parable of the prodigal son from Luke chapter 15. The father rejoices when his way-ward son returns just as our Heavenly Father rejoices when we return to Him and repent of our sins and "try a little hard to be a little better (Gordon B. Hinckley )."

I know there are many days when my mind goes else-where rather than focus on my Lord, and Savior. However, it is so amazing that the Lord still loves us and cares for us and wishes for us to return to Him. He always has his arms outstretched to carry us through the hard times of life and bring  us back to the light. I love it. I know that my Redeemer lives.

picture found on google of Savior raising the little girl from the dead.

Life Lessons

I have had two things on my mind a lot recently. One is kinda a nasty analogy and the other is a miracle in my eyes.

So- the first. Please just bear with me during this- Recently, I have seen a TON of road kill. Gross, I know. However, I was sitting at a red light thinking about it and had this crazy, smart thought: Road kill is like us when we give into temptation and turn our hearts to the devil. We can lose our agency and become "dead" to things spiritual and it takes a lot of work and changes to get back. It is, however, possible. (I know road kill is quite dead and will still be dead. That part does not work with this analogy. Again- bear with me). Crazy thought. I know. However, it makes sense in my head. Hopefully, I am not the only one....

Second thought- Remember my post about money a few posts ago? Well, I was really stressing out and just freaking out all the time and just not myself after all that. Well, I was counting money for tithing [10% of income we give to the church to help pay for different things. It is a very SMALL way to give back to the Lord for all the blessings we have been given.] and to take to the bank. Well, it had been a month or so since I had done this and I realized I had made a lot more money than I was planning. I felt so blessed I honestly almost started crying. The Lord really does bless you when you pray to Him and try your best to try to fix your problems while asking for His help when you know you cannot do it alone. This summer has been quite the eye-opener to how many blessings the Lord has given me. I always just thought of the usual but, this is turning into a summer of miracles. I almost feel like my life is becoming like those stories in the Bible. Yes, I know I'm not having some of the amazing miracles from it but, I have been feeling like the Lord really does love and care for me as much as he did those people then. Sometimes it is easy to forget that, like them, we are God's children too and He loves each of us equally. When I'm feeling alone or having a rough time, I can remember this summer and REMEMBER His love.

If you're struggling with feeling the Savior's love, just pray to Him. He's always willing to show His love. I'd forgotten his love. It is a great feeling when you can almost feel his arms around you and almost hear the words he would say to you, "I love you and am so proud of you. Come to me and let me help you."

The Lord Knows My Needs

You know those days where it is not a bad day but, you just feel stressed and almost on the verge of tears just full of emotion and you're not sure what to do about it? That was me today. My day was very good but, one bad thing hit a pressure point and has left me feeling sad and heavy in my heart.

I'm subbing for singing time for primary [the class for children ages 3-11] in church tomorrow and realized I still needed to figure out what we were doing. Well, I sat down at the piano and started playing through the songs to figure out which ones to do. A few of the songs really hit me and I was very happy to be home alone because I was brought to tears. I felt the love of my Savior when I really needed it. My heart had felt so heavy and I'd been feeling so alone but, He knew I needed Him and He helped me feel his love and remember why I am here and how I am important. I am His daughter and He loves me no matter what. I'm doing the best I can and that is enough for Him. Of course, I have a lot to work on but, I'm trying and He knows that. So, even though I am not perfect and life can be really rough, it is worth it and my Savior and Heavenly Father love me dearly and will help me become what I am meant to.

Why Money?

So, I've been trying to earn money to pay for college since my parent's rule is they will pay for the 1st year and then, you pay for the rest. Well, I did not get that clue  until 1/2 my first year which is my own fault. My dad told me about budgeting today and looking at how life is going, I'm going to be broke after one year which is difficult since I have at least 3 more years. It was an eye-opener since I've always thought I'd just keep saving and life would just work out. I've tried not to spend a lot and pay tithing [10% of income that we give to church to help pay for different things] so, to see my money disappearing in front of me on paper was scary. I've been trying to get a job but, so far, no luck. It makes me scared to be trying so hard and think of being completely broke in under a year. My parents have said to do service and looking at some different projects I'd love to do I do not feel I can because it would cost me money which is the opposite of what I'm trying to do. I'm missing the days when I'd babysit for fun and almost walk out forgetting the fact that I got paid for it. Now, I somewhat understand the living paycheck to paycheck life and I do not quite care for it. How have college kids before me survived this feeling of being completely at a loss and useless to the world in the ways of money? How do they get back on top after all this spending to get an education? How do they buy a house? Get married? Raise children? Keep up their hobbies? Go out for entertainment? Go on dates? How??? I guess it's time to find out...

First Road Trip

Well, my brother and I went on our first road trip without our parents. I was nervous at first but, it was fun. We drove down to Normal, Illinois for a friend's graduation/birthday/going away party. My brother and I had quite the fun time once we got there since we had not seen this friend in quite awhile. We helped with decorations and spent some time chatting with her grandma (which was quite fun and interesting. Sean and I both enjoyed it) and other stuff. Then, it was time to start heading back home and so we started up Rt. 39 to I-88. As we got to I-88, however, the gas light went on. I knew we would not be able to make it home without getting some gas but, since it was Sunday we did not want to stop and buy some but, circumstances said we must. So, we said a prayer and pulled off at the next gas station and were blessed to see gas for $3.69 and got to wash the windshield that was bug-splattered. Sean & I saw this as a major blessing for doing our best for what circumstances would allow and trusting that the Lord would help us with the rest.

Towers of Fun

block tower I built while babysitting

I have been truly blessed. As I've looked back on my time being back home I have realized how much the Lord really has been looking out for me. Even though I still don't have a job, I have been getting so many babysitting jobs and other small jobs that have made it so I can still earn money to pay for school. I also get to do something I love, and that is, play with kids. Children are so naive but, teach you so much at the same time. They are so easy to open up to you and are genuinely interested in your life. They show concern when you are hurt and look to you when they are in need.

This time I've been able to spend with children really opens up the scriptures that say to become as a little child. Children can be some of the sweetest spirits. Even if they can drive you up a wall or do some really bad things, they are children and are still learning just as we are. Every day is opening up a new door of opportunity and life to teach us something new to become just a little bit better, a little more like our Savior.

Daily Scriptures

In Relief Society (the women's meeting at church) yesterday, we talked about scriptures and ways to increase scripture study since it is easy to forget or neglect it. At one point, the teacher talked about how it is easy to lose track of time on facebook and then, it hit me what I could do. I love to edit pictures and it has become a nice hobby/past time for me. I thought to myself, "I could edit a picture and put a scripture on it and set that as my cover photo and change it once a week, or so!" Obviously, I was quite excited and wanted to jump into it once I returned home but, other commitments kept me away from it for awhile. Then, last night, I had the time and I made five different pictures that I can use. I set one to start off my facebook scripture help. It made me so happy to have a scripture on my page to maybe help someone else, as well as myself, read the scriptures more and feel the love of my Savior. Yes, it's not like I am reading a ton of scriptures by doing this but, it will help keep my mind focused on my eternal goals and maybe, just maybe, help someone do the same.

Playing "Mom" For a Day & Find Love

Little Man & I

Today I woke up to a text from my mom asking me to help my littlest brother get out the door. Well, I woke up about 5 minutes before he was supposed to be out the door and, well, he had just woken up as well. He was in tears freaking out and wondering where everyone was and so, I had to calm him down, make him eat and get dressed while I made his lunch and get him out the door (in 5 minutes). Luckily, we did it and it ended well but, as I watched him ride his bike down the driveway and yelled good-bye and he said good-bye and thanks it made me reflect on what I was thinking yesterday with the whole "growing up" thinking process. I could almost see myself doing the same thing in more than a few years (since he is 8 years old. :P ) for my own children and family. I do not know how moms do it every day but, I understand why.

Love.

I took & edited this picture

Love is a powerful thing. It makes us do crazy things we would not typically do otherwise. It's amazing how much love a mother has for her child or how much love a man, or woman, have for the other, or how much love the Savior has for each of us. It is sometimes hard to believe someone could love everyone but, as I have attended church camps and college, I have found that when you have the love of Christ, you can love anyone and everyone. No matter how mean they might be to you or if they do not have the same thoughts as you, you love them and care for them and see them as the Savior does. It is amazing to see that love and realize, that same love is the love he has for you. 

A Little Bit of Everything

me&my best friend

Well, yesterday, I finally saw Hunger Games. I must say, I quite enjoyed it! It was fun to go see it with a best friend and be able to have the same reactions to the same things. Best friends are a wonderful thing. As I have grown up I have realized just how important and wonderful they are. Like all kids, everyone you had a play-date with was your "best friend" and then, the group would get smaller but, when you did not see people, they became distant. Now that I have met some very close friends that I have shared experiences with and see that we still stay in contact even if we do not live right next door it is easy to see the true friends I have. Thanks to those who have been such a great friend to me. I really appreciate it. It really has made me the person I am today.

This is me when I was about 10 with not a care in the world.

On another note, I began my calling as an activity day's leader last night [Activity Days is a group for the girls at church ages 8-11]. They learned about cooking easy meals for babysitting and when there is not much time to make dinner since life is quite crazy. Before we began, though, the other leader (since she had never met me and this was my first time) asked what I would like the girls to call me [in our church, we typically call people Brother or Sister Insert-last-name-here]. It had never hit me I would ever be called "Sister Fisher." Just the sound of it made me feel so bizarre. Since one girl is my sister and the rest I have babysat since they were little, Chelsey fit me quite nicely. To think of being called the same as my mother and grandmother just made growing up seem too real. I know I am 19, turning 20 this fall, but, to think that I really have "grown up" seems so weird. I have always just been Chelsey or some nick-name. I have only been called Sister Fisher as more of a joke since they know my parents. Life moves so fast. When I was younger I always would tell myself I would go to Middle School, High School, then on to BYU and get married and have a family and all the usual things but, it always seemed so far away that it would never really happen. Now, it is happening so fast it is crazy to think about. It makes me reflect on if I have really learned everything I need to. Many times the questions Have I learned enough to do well in school to be a great teacher? Will I be a good wife? Will I be a good mother? have entered my head. I always wondered what the future would hold for me but, never thought I would really find out. The time for preparation really has passed and the test is right outside the door. As I have reflected, I know I have not learned everything so, I get to keep learning but, I feel my parents and leaders have taught me well. Guess it is time to really dive into life and leave my childhood behind and simply remember the memories. Do not worry though, I know I will be like my mom and always have a little child inside of me ready to play the crazy girl.

I am sure everyone has had that time where they are sitting there and have some words pop into their heads and think "I want to write a song." That happened to me earlier today but, like many others, the initiative to actually do it is very difficult. I started writing words down but, I feel they are not quite right and I am not sure if I should combine it with piano or guitar and then, when I do, how will I do it? Chords or a moving part? What should the melody be? How will I know it is finished? Will it ever be finished? Life really is like a song. Music reflects life so well and, like life, it is difficult to create the perfect ending. There is, however, a way. Everyone has a song they are writing and as long as you keep working hard, one day, it will be perfect and we will be able to present our song to the Lord and he will be proud of us. Some of us will have a symphony and others a simple lullaby but, each, if we have worked hard, will be a perfect gift to give. So, just keep working hard and all will work out. For me, I am going to keep working on my song of life and the songs that come to mind because why not practice? Practice makes perfection.

Mother's Day Surprise

We couldn't leave the room... 

I wanted to write about this on Monday when Marin and I actually did this but, I did not want to spoil the surprise in case my mom looked on here. On Sunday night (a week ago), my sister and I were laying there and had the thought of different ways we could reorganize our room and decided we wanted to do it. So, the next day, after she got home from school, we attacked. We moved the shelves, desk, dresser, headboard, mirror, and queen-size bed all by ourselves and completely reorganized the room.

Chewie & I were quite exhausted after

It was a lot of work but, a lot of fun. We accomplished this in about two hours. Then, since Mother's Day was still several days away, we kept mom away from the room (and almost the rest of the family as well) until this morning when we unveiled not only a different set-up but, a clean room. It was quite refreshing to know we had accomplished this great feat by ourselves. Not many times can we say that we did something that usually only Daddy does or our brother. It was quite an exciting moment to say we had done it all by ourselves and that we had kept it a secret for almost a whole week! Not often that happens.

finished product

On another note, it is Mother's Day and I would like to comment accordingly on my wonderful mother. I know I should do this every day and that Mother's Day should not be an excuse to comment on this subject but, I do feel I should express my deep gratitude for my mother, or Mommy as I still call her. My mom has always been there for me even though I have not always really shown my gratitude for it or taken full advantage of it. I always kept to myself in my room until just before college when I decided I wanted to share more with my mommy. So, I promised I would tell her my college stories and this has made our relationship a lot better. I am so happy to have a mother who is a close friend and can make me laugh and I can be honest with. I have not always been the best child but, what daughter is? I am thankful for her craziness, her laughter, her crazy dancing in the kitchen when we should be cleaning,  her teaching me about home-making even when I did not want to learn, her support in furthering my talents, her continuous love, her consistency, her creativity, her musical talents, her singing to us at night, her teaching us the gospel, her continuous effort to always have family prayer and scripture study, her love of my father, her support of education, her not giving me everything I want, her teaching me you do not need everything you want to be happy, to see joy in the little things, teaching me to learn from mistakes, teaching me I am not perfect but, can strive for it, and so much more.  Thank you Mommy for helping me to find joy in the journey. ♥

Thanks Mommy. Happy Mother's Day!