Headache Struggles

Picture from: firstmedok.com

I do not share this information for pity but, rather, to let others know that they are not alone. Recently, I have begun to try and see my cluster headaches/migraines as a blessing. 

From the time I began middle school, I began suffering from migraines. At first, we thought it was my heavy backpack and stress that was causing them. Then, the thought was sugar. Now, it may be that they are cluster headaches. There have been multiple nights I have woken up sobbing from pain and frustration in trying to understand why I have this struggle.


As I was reading from The Book of Mormon this morning, I read 2 Nephi 33:3-4. Here, Nephi is talking to the people and saying that he prays for the people and knows God will help them. As I read these words, I felt like maybe my story can help someone else and maybe my tears are not all for nothing.

Recently, my frustration with my headaches has risen and more tears have been shed than have been in awhile. During a few of these episodes, I began to pray out loud expressing my sorrow and confusion. I wanted answers right then and I wanted to feel peace. Well, I still do not have all the answers but, I have felt peace. I may not be able to clean my house but, I have been able to work on homework as I lay in bed with an upset stomach and slight headache. I may not be able to run around fixing all the problems in my life but, I have been humbled by the selfless service of my husband in my times of need. It has made me want to be more selfless when I am well enough to help others. I have been trying to be more positive and the Lord has blessed me to try and see a little more positive. God knows us and our struggles. He will never leave us alone. If we seek His help, He will help us through. As 1 Corinthians 10:13 says,

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 

Reality Check

It has been awhile since I have been here to write about life. The update: I'm married, in the middle of a practicum semester and realizing the reality of being a homemaker.

Things with my husband couldn't be better. He is so sweet and helps me work through problems and supports me 24/7. School, on the other hand, has been more than I can handle sometimes...

I don't think I have cried so much over the work I have to do since high school calculus. The strange thing is- it's really not that bad. I'm keeping up with my work but barely holding on to sanity because I feel all I do is homework, cook, clean, sleep, and complain. I've realized it's impossible to keep a home clean each day and there is always something else to do.

How can I be this perfect wife if our apartment still has dirty dishes in the sink? 

Because my husband loves me and appreciates what I do get done.

I'm a perfectionist and that can be very hard at times. It's hard to sleep because I have so much I need to accomplish in the morning. I'm always making lists of things I need to do before such and such day. My scripture study has become more of a checklist item than the strength I need it to be.

As I was laying in bed wide awake- again- I realized that I need to stop this. I don't feel like myself because I am always feeling inadequate and that is making me feel depressed. Things that normally wouldn't bug me are triggers to a slight anger. That's not me.

I am a child of God. I go through hard times but those hard times don't define me. They help me become better if I am only willing to learn from them.

So, maybe I didn't get the bathroom clean today and I still have a ton of homework and projects due in the next few weeks but, I can do it and I can be happy as I do it. Now, I may not feel so determined in the morning when I wake up but, it's day by day, step by step, that allows for change. Who knows, maybe I will even get to call my family at some point this week! Wouldn't my mother and father like that. ;)

Blessing in Disguise

Well, since getting engaged, life has been crazy busy and my stress levels have been rising. Although I was stressed, I kept trying to do the little important things like reading my scriptures, praying, going to church, keeping the commandments, etc, and I just wanted to let you all know those things are so important. Yes, life is stressful but, I feel at peace and have received so many little blessings of things just working out that I had no idea could happen. God is aware of our needs and He will help us when we need it. If we turn to Him, He will never leave us alone. Just pray and do His will. He loves you.

Our Story

The Preface:

Like many young women, I grew up assuming I would get married to some Prince Charming during my college years. I was told I would probably marry someone like my dad and that idea grossed me out because I could not imagine marrying someone who was just like my dad. That would be weird. So, any time I liked a guy, he may have some similar attributes but he was never someone I would say was like my dad. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my dad and he is a wonderful man. I just couldn't imagine marrying someone like him. Maybe it was because I wanted to be different than the people around me.  Well, that was the plan. And I made it to byu and so I figured I would find my prince but, as a freshman, I was not ready for a serious relationship. Sure, I dated but I knew the possibility of marrying someone from that year was very slim. Then, sophomore year I still didn't feel ready and so I avoided the dating world. Then, I was privileged to serve a mission for my church for 18 months. That was an amazing time of my life I am so grateful for. When I got home, I was planning on dating a lot and then maybe meet someone after the first semester back. Well, my plans never go my way. I sort of dated someone but, things didn't work out. Then, I had a change of heart and decided that I would figure out what was really important to me in a future relationship. And that is where our story begins...

The Beginning:

A friend of mine from the mission I served asked if I would be up for a blind date. I said sure and I went on a date with Sam. I had so much fun and could not stop talking about it. We continued to go on dates and hanging out and began dating. While we were dating, I realized he was just like my father. I could not believe I had fallen for someone who was like my father. And that's when I realized those things were the things I loved about him most. It also made me realize that he would get along great with my family (which is something very important to me). The way he always tried to help people and do more than was required of him. His ability and desire to work hard. How he can't sit still for very long and his humor. In only a few weeks of dating and knowing him, I had lost my heart to this young man from Alaska who was so similar to my father. How could this be? 

That's when I realized I had misunderstood that phrase from so long ago and was being prideful trying to control my life. Sure, he may be like my father but, he is not my father. They do have their differences. And when I let God control my life, things work out better than I could have imagined. The things I hoped for in a relationship only came as I let go of my pride and tried to do God's will. I can not even being to describe the happiness I feel when I am with, or am thinking about, that wonderful young man I have had the privilege to meet and date. 

A few weeks ago, we began discussing the idea of us getting married and I felt like that was the right decision but, I couldn't just decide our future. I had to wait until he had received his. Then, flash forward a bit, Sam asked if I would be willing to go ring shopping with him. I was so excited and also so nervous because, although I had been doing lots of looking on Pinterest, I had no idea how to shop for a wedding ring. To cut to the chase, because I know you all just want to know the proposal anyway, we found a ring that was perfect. Information was exchanged and we left without the ring. I went to work and, unknown to me, Sneaky Sam called my father to ask permission and then went back and bought the ring. And, a few days later, he picked it up in time for Tuesday night date night. 

The Proposal:

We began the evening going to the site of our first date, the hike to the Y. We reminisced on our relationship as we overlooked Provo. Then, we headed to Utah lake, by way of our second date. (Remember- I didn't know he had bought the ring so I had no idea what his plans were) We made it to a trail and began walking along. We stopped at this opening in the wildlife that looked like the banks of the Mississippi River in Nauvoo, IL. (Where we had first said "I love you") It was beautiful. Sam asked if I remembered what he had said that day and, when I affirmed, he proceeded to say how he could see himself marrying me. He took a step back, said ok as he pulled out a ring box from his pocket and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I, of course, said yes and was so overjoyed and surprised. Then, due to a previous joke, he pulled out a ring pop as well and said it hadn't fit in the ring box. His roommate and his roommate's girlfriend then came out of hiding and proceeded to take pictures. So, that's how it happened. 

And so the Story Continues:

Each day, I fall more in love with that young man and he makes me feel like a queen. He continues to reflect so many wonderful attributes and makes me want to be better. Who knows what the future holds but, I know, together, with God, we can accomplish anything. 

Family-oriented RM with Food

As I look around my apartment and think about what objects really represent me, I had to think a lot about what is really important to me and is part of my culture.

The first object I thought of is a family picture. It is one of the last pictures we took before my brother and I left to serve missions for our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is this picture I have taken with me, wherever I have gone, over the past few years. In times of trouble, my family has always been there and has been a huge influence on who I have become. They are so important to me and I love them dearly. Also, having been the oldest child helped me learn traits that I have applied to my major of elementary education and, I hope, help me become a good mother one day.

The second object that I feel represents who I am is my last missionary  tag on an iPad mini case. I went to Ogden, Utah to help teach people of Hispanic descent. Those 18 months changed my life and helped me mature into the person I have become. I also used the iPad mini case as a missionary and, when I got home, having an this piece of technology helped me connect better with the world around me. I use it to do assignments for school, as well as, connecting with family and friends across the globe. It is important to me to keep the friendships and relationships I have formed over the years.

The final object that I feel represents me is a container of basil. Food is always present at any gatherings with my family. It is a way to connect with people because each culture has their own type of food. Through eating with people and learning to cook their meals, I have learned to understand them better and appreciate their culture. It is important to me to understand people so we can help one another become better through understanding and food is an easy way to connect because it is in important thing to many people.

You never know

Often times we get a thought to do something different then our plans. We may not understand why but figure it's not a bad idea and just go ahead and do it. Little do we realize that those moments can be when we are answering someone else's prayer or find an answer to our own by running into an old friend.

Today I planned to be on campus all day before going to dinner with some friends. I had homework to do and felt set to just sit at the library all afternoon. Well, I finished the homework I had brought and had a decent amount of time left so I decided to head home for a bit. As I was walking back to my apartment, I ran into an old friend and we got to talking about life and lessons learned. As I was talking and he seemed to get answers to questions he had I felt blessed with answers to my own problems in life. If I had not taken that thought of going home to heart, I would not have had that experience. God is in the details of our lives and will help us if we let Him.