Monday, March 4, 2013

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

Yesterday, my aunt, Heather Buss, passed away. It came as quite a shock. We were fasting for her but, thought we had a few more months with her. As I saw the text after church letting me know, I was in complete shock. I was quite a wreck for the rest of the evening, off and on. I had not really known anyone who had passed on, personally. Heather's passing reminded me of how fragile this life is and the importance of the gospel in my life. Yes, I had believed that families were forever through the sealing power of the temple but, this let me really reflect on this testimony I had. I still believe families are forever, and this is where I have drawn a lot of comfort from, but, if anything, that testimony has been strengthened. It makes me want to work harder to be able to return to live with my Heavenly Father again so that I can see my sweet aunt again. To see her in a perfect body and to have every hair restored to her head. I gain comfort in imagining the reunion with her in heaven. Another part that has been hard to deal with is picturing my two little cousins who, now, have no mother. They are young so they may forget the memories as they grow older. I cannot imagine not having my mommy with me to help me through this life. Any time I imagined my cousins, I broke down into heavy sobs because I ache for them. Then, last night, I posted on facebook asking for prayers for them. One friend responded with, "Those children now have a most dedicated Angel watching over them. We will be praying for them, her husband, and you and your family." I was so touched as I realized, yes, my cousins may not have their mother in their home with them physically but, she will always be watching over them, spiritually. That brings me so much peace to think of it in that way. 

When I was told my aunt's cancer had come back, I immediately thought of the lyrics to "Where can I Turn for Peace?" since we were singing it that night at our choir concert. In the actual concert, I found the lyrics piercing my soul and testifying to me of their truth. Yesterday, during my church's testimony meeting, I got up and talked about this experience. As a side note, I do not typically bring up personal things in any sort of public setting and especially not over a pulpit. Well, I talked about this experience so, when I heard my aunt had passed away, these lyrics were still fresh in my mind. They have been such a sweet blessing to me as I keep moving forward. It is hard but, I know I will see her again and that, if we am faithful, we will all live together in Heaven again. I know my Savior lives and loves us. I know temples seal families forever. I know the Savior knows what I am going through and can help me, and my uncle and cousins, and extended family, feel at peace and comforted through this hard time.

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Text: Emma Loud Thayne
Music: Joleen G. Meredith

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