Monday, December 14, 2015
Sometimes it feels like a hammer on our heart has shattered everything who we are but we can find peace. Sometimes it is a little thing that seems big because it's the last thing to be given us but we can find peace. Sometimes it seems it won't end and that the future will be shattered because of it but we can find peace.
Although life may not go as we plan, God knows what He wants us to be and how to get us there. That will usually change our plans of how we want our life to turn out.
I know that's how it always is for me.
Sometimes it hurts more than we think we can bear. Then, when we think we can't hold on any longer, God brings peace, if we are willing to go to Him. Christ is the Prince of Peace. He told the storm, "Peace, be still." He tells us to "Be still and know that [He is] God."
I know He is there and will give us peace and rest from our trials and struggles when we look to Him.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
|Picture from: firstmedok.com|
From the time I began middle school, I began suffering from migraines. At first, we thought it was my heavy backpack and stress that was causing them. Then, the thought was sugar. Now, it may be that they are cluster headaches. There have been multiple nights I have woken up sobbing from pain and frustration in trying to understand why I have this struggle.
As I was reading from The Book of Mormon this morning, I read 2 Nephi 33:3-4. Here, Nephi is talking to the people and saying that he prays for the people and knows God will help them. As I read these words, I felt like maybe my story can help someone else and maybe my tears are not all for nothing.
Recently, my frustration with my headaches has risen and more tears have been shed than have been in awhile. During a few of these episodes, I began to pray out loud expressing my sorrow and confusion. I wanted answers right then and I wanted to feel peace. Well, I still do not have all the answers but, I have felt peace. I may not be able to clean my house but, I have been able to work on homework as I lay in bed with an upset stomach and slight headache. I may not be able to run around fixing all the problems in my life but, I have been humbled by the selfless service of my husband in my times of need. It has made me want to be more selfless when I am well enough to help others. I have been trying to be more positive and the Lord has blessed me to try and see a little more positive. God knows us and our struggles. He will never leave us alone. If we seek His help, He will help us through. As 1 Corinthians 10:13 says,
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Things with my husband couldn't be better. He is so sweet and helps me work through problems and supports me 24/7. School, on the other hand, has been more than I can handle sometimes...
I don't think I have cried so much over the work I have to do since high school calculus. The strange thing is- it's really not that bad. I'm keeping up with my work but barely holding on to sanity because I feel all I do is homework, cook, clean, sleep, and complain. I've realized it's impossible to keep a home clean each day and there is always something else to do.
How can I be this perfect wife if our apartment still has dirty dishes in the sink?
Because my husband loves me and appreciates what I do get done.
I'm a perfectionist and that can be very hard at times. It's hard to sleep because I have so much I need to accomplish in the morning. I'm always making lists of things I need to do before such and such day. My scripture study has become more of a checklist item than the strength I need it to be.
As I was laying in bed wide awake- again- I realized that I need to stop this. I don't feel like myself because I am always feeling inadequate and that is making me feel depressed. Things that normally wouldn't bug me are triggers to a slight anger. That's not me.
I am a child of God. I go through hard times but those hard times don't define me. They help me become better if I am only willing to learn from them.
So, maybe I didn't get the bathroom clean today and I still have a ton of homework and projects due in the next few weeks but, I can do it and I can be happy as I do it. Now, I may not feel so determined in the morning when I wake up but, it's day by day, step by step, that allows for change. Who knows, maybe I will even get to call my family at some point this week! Wouldn't my mother and father like that. ;)
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Well, since getting engaged, life has been crazy busy and my stress levels have been rising. Although I was stressed, I kept trying to do the little important things like reading my scriptures, praying, going to church, keeping the commandments, etc, and I just wanted to let you all know those things are so important. Yes, life is stressful but, I feel at peace and have received so many little blessings of things just working out that I had no idea could happen. God is aware of our needs and He will help us when we need it. If we turn to Him, He will never leave us alone. Just pray and do His will. He loves you.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Monday, May 4, 2015
The first object I thought of is a family picture. It is one of the last pictures we took before my brother and I left to serve missions for our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is this picture I have taken with me, wherever I have gone, over the past few years. In times of trouble, my family has always been there and has been a huge influence on who I have become. They are so important to me and I love them dearly. Also, having been the oldest child helped me learn traits that I have applied to my major of elementary education and, I hope, help me become a good mother one day.
The second object that I feel represents who I am is my last missionary tag on an iPad mini case. I went to Ogden, Utah to help teach people of Hispanic descent. Those 18 months changed my life and helped me mature into the person I have become. I also used the iPad mini case as a missionary and, when I got home, having an this piece of technology helped me connect better with the world around me. I use it to do assignments for school, as well as, connecting with family and friends across the globe. It is important to me to keep the friendships and relationships I have formed over the years.
The final object that I feel represents me is a container of basil. Food is always present at any gatherings with my family. It is a way to connect with people because each culture has their own type of food. Through eating with people and learning to cook their meals, I have learned to understand them better and appreciate their culture. It is important to me to understand people so we can help one another become better through understanding and food is an easy way to connect because it is in important thing to many people.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
While most people would say, "the weather outside is frightful," I cannot stop smiling as I walk through it. How can this be? Let me share a story with you all...
Two years ago from today, my aunt passed away due to cancer. It was a hard time for me and the rest of our family. I had never felt so alone and questioned everything I had held dear. Just before she passed, she had given me a pair of snow boots that, when she passed, became very important to me.
Now, flash forward to last Sunday. I had been reflecting on the day of my aunt's passing and had the thought I should go to the temple [a house of worship] that day. So, this morning, I woke up early and went just hoping to feel peace. I did and it was wonderful and when I left and saw tons of snow I began to smile. The snowflakes against my ears and face tickled and felt like kisses from Heaven. I had been hoping to wear my snow boots today but, without snow, that was not going to happen. So, when I saw the Snow I became very happy because, in a weird way, it was an answer to prayer.
I know God knows us and our needs. He has made a way for families to be forever and ways to feel peace in a crazy world. I am so grateful for that knowledge that has blessed my life immensely.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
How we react to our circumstances has much to do with our attitude. If we focus on the negative, or things we cannot change, we are doomed to remain in a state of sorrow. If we, however, focus on a positive, we can change our views and see the world as a wonderful place.
For example: Last night, someone hit a car which then cracked my bumper. I did not think to get the person's insurance in case there was more damage and, when I made that realization, I felt like an idiot. I also was confused by some different circumstances with friends. When I awoke this morning, none of these things had changed and I had more to do: 3 more midterms to prepare for, take care of my car, and, to top it off, we ran out of toilet paper. That one thought of being positive in bad weather made me realize something I learned my sophomore year of college- when you can't change something, focus on changing what you can- your attitude. I had been walking home in the slush and snow and just because the sound reminded me of "Singing in the Rain," my whole view changed and the walk home became a joy. That's why I am happy through bad weather. I remember that moment and how it changed my whole day and outlook.
So, life may not be going as well as we want. That's normal. Find something you can change or view in a different light and I know it will make everything so much better so that you can view the hardships with a better view to try and find a solution.
With that being said, I better get back to writing my paper that is due tomorrow... Luckily, I have two more hours until class and I am already in the library.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
So I am laying in bed. It's 12:13 as I begin to type and my brain will not stop thinking. And the thoughts range from all sorts of topics. How do you calm your brain and make it agree with your heart so you can sleep?
So many thoughts.
Is the reason the things I want to work out that aren't because they are never supposed to or because I need to be patient? Are there people who have left my life that I should reach out to or are they meant to be out of my life now?
How do we know?
So many questions and no answers as my brain fights this never-ending battle against itself.
How to conquer it?
I may never know as I continue to toss and turn as I try to let sleep overtake all other senses so that I may have the energy I need in order to combat the struggles that face me tomorrow.
Tomorrow. Another day to come. Another set of challenges and blessings that I do not yet know. To sleep is necessary. Then why, oh brain, do you not let me rest? Please put the emotions on hold so that I may enjoy this night. You have released so much tension already. Any more and I will never rest. I am so tired. Please sleep. I know the smell of dinner still lingers in the apartment air but try to focus on the task at hand. Rest. Recuperate. Sleep. Dream. Imagine. Relax. Good night. 12:22. I am done. I give up and return to tossing and turning. You win mind. Farewell.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
This past weekend I took a trip with family and had not internet service. This gave me lots of reflecting time. One thing that I thought a lot about was friendship. I haven't lived very long but, I've lived long enough to watch friends come and go. Some have a special place in your heart and then they break it by leaving. Some always stay there even when you may try to leave them. Others have a mutual friendship that never ends. What causes these differences in friendships? Why do some not last and others last a life time? The answer I have come to think of is
|from google images|
Thursday, January 15, 2015
-Slight Neat Freak
-Someone who see all my faults and tries to hide them from others
-People are generally happy around me
-I can see things that could potentially upset people
-I enjoy time alone because it is a time when I can find myself
-I enjoy watching people to see patterns
-I am good at learning quickly through watching