The Struggle

It has been a long time since I have written anything on here and there are several reasons for that which I do not have the time to get into.

Today I am feeling extremely blessed as the Lord has continually helped me finally begin to understand my largest struggle in life....headaches.

Many who are reading this have probably seen previous posts where I talk about this struggle. Today, although I still suffer from headaches and migraines with no for sure way to cure them, I feel at peace, which is a first for many years.

Last Thursday, I was sitting in one of my religion classes at BYU and we were discussing the story of the woman with an issue of blood (Matthew 9:20-22). As we studied this account, I was drawn to the detail that she had had this problem for 12 years. I began to count in my head and realized, this fall, I will have suffered with headaches for 12 years as well. I began to feel a connection to this woman and her struggle and how alone she must have felt when she would think she was healed and would not be, when she would hear a doctor say that they had the answer and her spirits would lift and then she would feel the crushing disappointment when it did not work. The struggle of trying to explain this problem was not her fault and how it kept her from doing some things within her life but did not feel like anyone could understand.

As we talked about her joy at being healed through her faith, I felt as though something was telling me that God is aware of me and, at some point, I will be healed. It was the first touch of hope I have had in a few months.

Yesterday was Tuesday and I attended the usual BYU devotional. The speaker talked about believing through trials and not letting our doubts overcome the things we know. Once again, I felt like the spirit was talking to me and letting me know that all will be ok. Although I have not found a cure and I may not find one for a long time, the Lord will take care of me and help me do the things I need to.

Today, I felt like I should read a blog post that someone had liked on facebook. At first, I did not think I would relate in anyway to this mother who was sure she would be losing her two-year-old to cancer. Then, she began to talk about how prophets she had grown up reading about had had to go through trying times in order to align their own will to God's.

I know that I was given this trial for a reason and that God is aware of me. I know that we can find peace through Christ and that He can heal us. Our Heavenly Father has a plan and knows when the timing is perfect to teach us about what we are supposed to be. I know that I will be healed one day and that I can still live a good life although I struggle with migraines and headaches on a regular basis. I know if you are going through something that is difficult, He will help you and give you peace when you think there is none left. He loves His children more than we can ever know in this life.