Gethsemane Song

Today in Book of Mormon (the last day), our teacher had his little girls come and sing this song called "Gethsemane" for us. It was so sweet. I had to come home and look up this song. So, here it is to share. Listen to the words and I think it is easy to understand why it touched me so much.

Learning from the Past

Well, earlier in life, I had a close guy friend, who I liked, tell me that he liked me. Shortly after, when he met a close friend of mine, I thought they might end up liking each other. Of course, this ended up happening. At the time it hurt a lot and for awhile I could not talk with them because I needed time to forget it and not cry about it anymore.

~~~History repeats itself~~~

This semester, I began liking a guy and, long story short, he likes one of my roommates and close friend. This time is a little different because my roommate knows I like him. For awhile, I was jealous and could not really stand it very well but, after talking it out with a few close guy friends, I went to the temple asking for peace because I could not be jealous of my roommate or hate a close guy friend. You cannot make people love or hate you. The heart has a mind of its own. Well, the temple really is a wonderful place to think and receive answers that are much needed. While there, I realized I was stressed about things to come in the next few weeks. I was stressed about getting a job, feeling like I do not belong at home, saying good-bye, and a few other things. Once I had finally confronted my fears, I realized the jealousy was gone. I had been wrongfully placing my stress into something that was not that big of a deal. 

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It is amazing how the Lord will give us similar situations so we can continue to learn and grow from them. This life really is a test to teach us how to be better and now, I have learned more to improve myself and I know not to get worked up so much over little things but, to look for what is truly making me upset. I am so grateful for a God to knows how to help me and who loves me so much he would have me go through hard things to learn what I need to. ♥

Reflections on Freshman Year

Well, with only a week of classes left and then, finals, I figure it's time to do an update on life here. On Sunday, I went to tunnel singing, as usual, and figured it would be the same as it recently has been: a great time filled with laughter and me scolding the boys for not acting their age, etc. Well, sad to say, this was not the case. It began that way, as usual but, then, it changed. The "spiritual" half of it went super spiritual. We began this change of events with The "EFY Medley" and, as the guys began to sing the armies of Helaman part, I began to feel the spirit like I did at EFY. I did NOT want to cry though. I do not like crying in public. I was able to hold it in but, I could not really look at the guys across from me because I felt such a great love for them. The guys in my ward have become quite close to family, if not family. They are all so amazing and have really touched my life and the guys across from me held a very special place in my heart and most would be leaving for missions shortly after the semester was over so, I would not be seeing them again for quite some time, if ever again. After the Medley was finished, we sang "Families Can Be Together Forever." Once again, I almost lost it but, I just kept myself calm and tried not to cry. However, when this ended, we started to sing "God Be with You Til We Meet Again" and with this one, I wrapped my arms around my friend and we turned around so we could not see "our boys" because we lost it. We both just started sobbing and could not keep the tears in. I could hardly sing! I realized how little time I have left here and how much I have grown to love those around me. I can feel the love the Savior has for them and do not want to lose them. I know missions are very important and will be wonderful experiences for them but, the selfish side of me wants to keep them here with me. It will be hard to make all new friends next year and find awesome guys I can trust and know will look out for me. I know they will be blessed for their service and will lead great and wonderful lives and have wonderful families but, it will be hard to say more "good-byes." I hate saying good-bye but, I know these will be good since they will be serving the Lord and focusing on teaching His gospel to His lost children.

After this whole crying fest and many hugs and a long walk home, more hugs and talks were given with others who had not made it to tunnel singing. I think me and my friend scared a couple guys with how much we were crying and how we both would start again very quickly. I love the people I have met this year. I have been so blessed and enriched by their examples and the times we have shared. I will miss it dearly but, I will always have the memories and the pictures to reflect upon and continue to learn and grow from. It would be very difficult to forget all the wonderful things I have experienced and learned from those around me. It will be difficult to forget the love I have gained for those I have met and the feeling of love the Savior has for each of His children. Even though it has to come to end, I am grateful to everyone I have met and who has helped me grow and learn more about myself. Thanks BYU. Thanks 46th ward. Thanks boys. I will miss this time together. ♥

Too Nice?

So- it has been awhile so I'll just do an update on college life. Only a few more weeks until I will be boarding a plane back home and saying good bye to all my amazing guy friends that will be leaving for missions across the globe for two years. It's going to be really hard. Because of this short time, however, I have been spending even more time with "my boys" at Whitney. When people are gone, if I'm bored, I will hang out with other people. I did this the other night with a guy I was getting to know. This ended in him trying to move really fast and me getting creeped out. Not very good. I would have been ok except, he keeps wanting to hang out but, I'm not comfortable with that but, am too nice to lie or say something mean. I have just been continually digging a hole for myself. Last night, I almost completely got myself into trouble but, luckily, friends at Whitney pays off. One guy, an amazing friend I have made this semester, said he would help me out if needs be. Luckily, nothing happened but, it's better to be prepared than not, right? This has made me think more about the fact that I am leaving and will not see these amazing young men for two years. Who will I go to for boy advice? Who can be my secret body guards when I am scared? That is something I do not know right now. I do know, I would not exchange any of "my boys" for another. They have been the greatest help to me this semester and I know their friendships have helped me grow into who I am today.

On another note, my efy councilor from this summer suffered from an accident and is paralyzed right now. She, however, has been super optimistic and in every picture she is smiling as large as ever. It's hard to believe it is true but, her faith and strong will power have really touched me. It makes me realize that complaining is really not worth it. My life is great and will continue to get better.

Another thing that made me count my blessings- for Women's Chorus, we had a passover meal and at one part they have you dip your finger in Horseradish and then, put it on the unleavened bread to symbolize repentance. I have realized that the repentance process is an amazing thing. I could not imagine if we had to eat horseradish every time we sinned. I would die! Probably would never sin again, however. I could feel it all the way up into my nose. It was a very strange feeling. I think I'll just have to think of horseradish if I am tempted! :P

New Music?

So, I tried writing a new song on guitar but, I'm not sure how I feel about it... So, I'm posting it so my brother can listen to it and give me pointers. So- here you go little brother. please & thank you!

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Looking Forward:

Nineteen. That's how old I am
Can't deny it anymore.
Keep thinking I'm just a child
but, life lingers at my door.

Twenty. A year later now.
Keep trying to fit in.
Changing through these college years
but, becoming more a part of myself.

Chorus:
Time to grow up.
Time to move on.
It's hard, I know
Keep holding on to the past
and wanting to go back
but, there's something better waiting.

Twenty one. I'm even older now.
Met a guy at the library.
Started dating and lost my heart so fast
I think I've fallen in love.

[chorus]

Ninety two. I'm quite old now.
Still young at heart.
Sitting here with my love
and looking back on past years.

[chorus and ends with repeating "waiting" 3x]

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Right Moment

Well, I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything but, better late than never, right?

So- this week, I have been fighting an old evil enemy- the common cold with a harsh cough. It has not been fun since I have been going to bed early and such but, I have been surviving. Like I said, we are old enemies. :P
The other day, when I was getting really tired and just wanted to go home and sleep, I got a text through facebook from a message from a friend asking how I was doing and if I was feeling well and if there was anything they could do to help. It was so nice to know someone cared about me and really made me feel a lot better and happier. The rest of my classes seemed to fly by, which is quite a miracle with how I was feeling. It is amazing how the Lord will send people to help us out at the perfect moment when we least expect it and they have no idea how much they helped you out.

On a different note, last night, after playing some fun foul-ball, a group of us went to visit a friend's twin but, he was not there so we got to have some fun chatting with his roommates. One I had actually met before when I went to visit my cousins during the summer several years back. It is hilarious how small the world is. Especially in the church. Especially at BYU. :P After just a little bit of time chatting, this group of guys and our group from our ward felt like old friends teasing each other and having a great time. It is amazing how quickly friendships can grow here. At home, it would take forever to really become friends with someone but, here it does not take long. Life here is grand. :)